Bear what has shaped the person you are today?
The death of my father and the strength of my mother.
I believe loosing my dad at such a young age and then
seeing my mom work so hard to provide us a good life
really shaped me. I lost someone I loved so much before I
even really understood what it meant and then I saw the
other person I love struggle and work twice as hard as
everyone else to to keep us afloat and she still managed
to make birthdays and Christmas special. God, she tried
so hard not to let me see her struggle. My mother taught
me what love and kindness were and I want so much to be
like her.
Share with us a pivotal moment in your life where you
had to confront your own vulnerability. How did you
emerge from that experience?
Stepping into the cage for the first time before I
had taken any actual cage fight lessons. That was
so stupid (laughing) the nerves and anxiety were
overwhelming and the knowledge that once that gate
locks closed, no one but me is there to protect me from
the other person. It’s like taking a huge test when you
haven’t studied for. You have to figure it out and you are
your only life line! That said I lost in 47 seconds, so I
wasn’t the best life line!
As someone who inspires others, what’s a fear or
insecurity you still grapple with privately?
I still fear every day that I’m not good enough. That no
matter what I do or accomplish that I’m not successful
or that I’m letting everyone around me down. I do my
best to encourage everyone to be proud of themselves
and what they have done with their lives because I want
everyone to feel confident in who they are. I try to help
everyone feel that they are enough so that hopefully one
day I feel the same way about myself.
Reflecting on your journey, what’s a decision you’ve made
that you initially regretted but ultimately led to significant
growth?
Opening up my non profit. First I remember thinking
“what am I doing I’m too young, I’ve never owned a
business before and i don’t know the first thing about it.”
then when no one came I felt that it was all doomed to
fail because I didn’t know the first thing about how to
promote a business.
On top of that any company we reached out to for
donations hadn’t heard of us so they didn’t know if
we were credible which made getting support very
difficult and after a while it became very demoralizing.
However with my mom‘s support and after working our
asses off businesses slowly started to come around, and
the community has been amazing, we’ve even had big
names in the martial arts world start leaning in to us! It
helps that we we offer our services for free so we are not
competition for the local dojos.
Can you recount a time when you felt utterly alone,
despite being surrounded by people? How did you cope
with that feeling of isolation?
All the time. The feeling of loneliness hits me hardest
during my fights. There is so much anxiety and fear from
being surrounded by the crowd that I wouldn’t do much
in the matches and that led to a few really embarrassing
losses, quite a few really embarrassing losses! I started
feeling like there was no hope, that I was somehow broken
and that sense of loneliness continued to grow. I couldn’t
understand why I did so well in training and then froze
every time I get in front of a crowd.
Then after one particularly bad loss I met my now my
head coach Joe Stevenson who works with me every day
on my skills, but more importantly on my confidence
and crafting a strong head space for when I step into the
cage. Don’t get me wrong the stage fright is still there and
I do have crippling stage fright, but I feel a little less alone
when I face it now.
* Joe Stevenson is a retired American UFC star out of
Hesperia, California (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Hesperia,_California). He was the ultimate Fighter 2
tournament champion and is the rumored US Olympic
MMA coach for the 2028 Olympics.
Beyond the glamorous facade, what’s a burden you
carry that your fans may not be aware of?
That one day somebody will have to use what I teach
them. I want everyone to know it but I am afraid they will
have to use it.
I had a young girl named Hope who I had been teaching
for a year, she had come in due to bullying. During the
pandemic she had her home broken into and while one
guy looted her home another held her and her mother at
gun point.